January 22:
It was the fourth of July and we were celebrating at my grandpa's house in Moose Lake (as was our tradition for many years growing up). There was an art place going out of business that was giving away free mystery pieces in their parking lot. Because it had just rained and because most of the pieces were in large, wooden crates, there weren't many people taking them. A yellow fork lift scuttled around the parking lot moving the crates around and dropping them at the few cars that stopped to get their free paintings. Mom made us all take off our shoes in the parking lot, but Dad didn't want to because his socks were going to get wet. We pointed to one of the mystery crates and the forklift moved it toward the car, but before it got there, it fell off and the crate broke open revealing this ugly, giant advertisement print inside. We opted to get a different mystery crate.
Afterwards, my cousin Jamie and I looked at an old photo album containing pictures of us dressed up as the ugly stepsisters from Cinderella. There was a greeting card on her fridge from a friend of hers in which virtually every word was misspelled, but the handwriting was really nice.
January 23:
I was trying to play a game with Adam and a friend of his, but I couldn't find the pieces I needed in order to play fully. They told me I could just make due with what I had. As we dove into playing, I just couldn't wrap my brain around what we were trying to do. It was a long game, feeling rather confused and "behind." Eventually, Liz, Ashley, Felicity and Mira came home from shopping and joined us. It was at this point I found out Adam had been recording our whole session and animated it (somehow) so we all went to the basement and watched it. I had to relive the whole miserable event.
Later, Zack and I were enjoying a sunny day at the zoo. We started playing volleyball with the bears (though we had to use a basketball so the bears wouldn't pop it). Soon, everyone joined in so it was like 100 people vs. a couple bears. The bears were winning. Overwhelmed by all the people, I crept to the back of the crowd, but Zack came and found me. "You're great at volleyball," he said. "You should go up front where you can make some plays and help us win!" So I did. And it was so much fun! But the bears still won.
January 25:
Rachel (from Friends) and I were trying desperately to set Monica up on a date, so we were hanging out at swanky bar waiting for right guy and the right time. Eric made a guest appearance as the chef. While we were waiting, Ross called the bar phone to talk to Chandler. He asked how it was going and if the "bimbo" with us was distracting (we'd brought an acquaintance with to help be "bad cop" so Monica could be the good cop. Bad cop was pretty, but dumb.) The problem was that when Ross called, the phone malfunctioned and turned to speaker phone, so the whole bar heard the conversation go down. Bimbo friend understandably got mad and left with first guy who'd give her a ride (yucky mustache blond mullet guy with 80s band t-shirt.)
Later, I was in Moose Lake again at my grandpa's old house. Out of nowhere, this ambulance shows up at the house. As the paramedics were walking toward the door, I asked my grandpa if he'd called them.
He responded with, "Oh yeah the guy is down by the wood pile."
"What guy?"
"I don't know. The guy."
"Is he alive?"
"Oh no. He's been dead for a while. I dragged him over there this morning."
By this point, the EMTs (a black guy with shaved head and red head chick with short hair in a pony tail) had arrived at the door and I was left with the awkward task of explaining that there was apparently a dead body by the wood pile.
January 26:
I was at my friend Lauren's house by Island Lake. I wanted to shower but the tub was on a rock outcropping in the open, so I didn't. Emily and Gene were there playing football with Tyler until the football got away from them, rolling in the scummy water at the edge of the pond.
I was staying at a guest house nearby, but there was this man who kept getting inside. Like, we'd come back to the house, and he'd be in there watching TV or vacuuming. Finally, I'd had enough. We came back and he was in the kitchen cooking. I yelled at him, so he got really sarcastic back, "punishing" himself by pulling a strip of flesh off his arm to expose the bone there in a very grotesque way. He said he'd cook it up for us as restitution. I ran away and threw up in a waste basket.
Later, my parents were amazed by hinged lamps that let you direct where the light faces. I don't know why this was earth shattering for them, but it was. Technology these days.
We climbed some giant cliffs above the lake, which turned from Island Lake into Lake Superior at this time. Lauren joined me on top of the cliffs and we talked about her recent marriage. Far below us, a huge, huge fish swam by. I asked if it ate meat and she informed me that no, this fish was definitely vegetarian...despite the fact that it had crazy sharp teeth. I'm not sure I believed her entirely. Later, we got picked up by this ship that bends in the middle (like the lamps from earlier now that I think about it. Apparently I was having a fascination with things that bend) in order to make really sharp turns. This ship was captained by a slightly crazy woman who we decided it was best to avoid.
Finally, I dreamed about work and creating test groups in a bunch of client accounts to see if they would respond differently to the HTML uploaded to them.
Also, I really wanted to go running but hadn't shaved my legs and felt like I couldn't leave until I did. Sad day.
January 27:
I arrived at work, but my computer was broken and no one would help me fix it. Also, one of the monitors from my desk was missing. No one cared though because the company was serving us all breakfast. Alyssa appeared on the breakfast crew, but she didn't see me at first because another of her friends was also there and they were greeting each other. As breakfast was wrapping up, this guy who I thought was from work asked me to come outside with him. I obliged only to realize he was trying to kidnap me. I ran away through the parking lot to a little red car that this Hispanic woman and her son were getting into. I grabbed onto the door handle (to give myself an anchor so the man couldn't steal me away) and yelled for her to call for help but she refused. The guy came back and yanked me from the car, my hand slipped off the handle and I pulled off the side mirror in my attempt to keep him from stealing me.
Somehow I got away from him but later saw him trying to steal a young boy. I got him to stop by throwing frozen lunches at him with Will's help. Afterwards, back at the work breakfast, Alyssa and I got a chance to catch up and she told me she was pregnant.
The company hadn't ordered enough food, and all we ended up with were a couple cubes of fruit and these itty bitty sandwich buns. My coworker Kate was really excited about getting a whole apple.
January 28:
I was at a self defense class in this super cool old building with wood floors and marble beams and ornate crown moldings along the ceilings. The teacher was this huge awesome guy who taught us all sorts of kick butt stuff. It was so cool that I had to bring my mom and dad to the class too. During that class though, a super flexible girl with short blonde hair volunteered to help the teacher with an example. He spread out this big mat on the floor and explained that if she followed his instructions exactly, it would all be okay. He ended up kicking her on accident, and she flew forward, missing the mat and skidding across the floor instead. Class ended rather abruptly. Some southern guys were chatting with the teacher after class.
While we were leaving someone I don't know called my name and came up to me to tell me all about her missions trip coming up. Clearly I was supposed to know who she was but I was clueless. I just kept hoping she couldn't make me introduce her to my parents.
Later, Anna and I were driving to a cabin for a sleepover with some friends. We arrived late and it was dark but as we gathered up our things to walk inside I reminded her that it was okay because I'd taken self defense. We still hurried inside anyway.
Also dreamed about being at the house I grew up at playing in the yard with bikes and sidewalk chalk with Tyler. It was just a fun in the dream as it was in real life.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Dreams Update: Week 1
I made it my resolution that for year 26 of my life, I would write down every dream I had. Below is the chronicle of my dreams (usually blearily typed on my phone before I get out of bed, otherwise I forget them). As is pretty apparent, I very often have dreams and very often remember at least parts of them when I wake up.
January 14:
I was trying to check out this enormous black library book--a fantasy novel with something about witches in the title, larger than a dictionary. I also wanted to get a book about 1970s spies that had a lime green cover, but the librarian informed me that I could only get one book. The black one was for Zack, so I opted to get that one (see? I'm thoughtful even in my dreams). Then I had to use my debit card to check the book out and had to pay a small fee (in cash) to get it. Jenna appeared there with me as well. We went to my car and drove across the street to park the car and take the bus, but I couldn't seem to get my car parked right--always too crooked, always not in the ideal spot. Then realized I needed gas and thought "Where am I going to find a gas station?!" whereupon a gas station conveniently appeared in the parking lot. I tried to pull up to a pump, but either I overshot it or when I got out of the car, the pump had turned to not face me anymore. I never got gas.
January 15:
I was trying to get ready for my high school's prom, but I didn't know what to wear--the formal prom dress? Jeans and a t-shirt? The struggle was real. The dream took place at my old house, in my old room. The whole time I kept calling my friend Anna asking her for advice on what to wear and what she was wearing. Meanwhile, I was also trying to eat before I had to leave. I ended up burning the pizza. Later, at the prom, which was also (apparently) a pool party, I saw my brother Tyler. He and some friends were swimming in the pool and Tyler (very un-tattooed in real life) had this giant tattoo across chest. Sadly, I don't recall what it said.
January 16:
Kelsey had us, Matt, Jenna and some others over for a party, but no one could agree on if we should stay in or go out.
Later, I was near this ancient, crumbling bell tower surrounded by lower stone walls. Some large fantasy-like creatures walked along the walls. They were also stoneish and shadowy but with glowing eyes.
Then my mom and I were shopping in Canada. She told me she's seen some pewter Lord of the Rings miniature statues that might be good for my D&D game at the Hallmark store (of all places). We then went to a boutique where I found a cream sweater with Sherpa inside I wanted to try on. There was only one fitting room available though so my mom went first. The shirt was either $12.99 or $21.99 (it kept changing), and I was concerned about how to pay for it without Canadian currency. While waiting for the fitting room, the store owner gave me this giant gun that was hinged in the middle. The stock end was this giant box with all sorts of switches and buttons. The owner pointed out to me that this whole contraption was actually a giant lighter/blow torch, and that the box on the end controlled the settings for the flames.
January 17:
A kidnapper had been chasing me for some time through this palm-tree dotted neighborhood. Somehow I found his gun in the grass as I was circling the neighborhood trying to lose him. I picked it up and thought, "Enough with this running thing. This guy is going down." Knowing that he was chasing behind me, I ducked behind the line up of 1970s pastel-colored cars parked for sale along the roadside and waited. When the kidnapper came past looking for me, I shot at him. My shot missed though, and the gun kept sticking. I had to use both hands to force the slide back into position after each shot. He started approaching me slowly and I kept firing as I could, but even the shots that hit didn't seem to hurt him.
I distinctly recall shouting at him, "Your gun sucks!"
He pulled out his other (nicer) gun and shot me three times in the stomach. While I was laying on the ground in pain, he came up to me and said, "Don't die yet."
January 18:
I was in this room filled with tables of food—all kinds of food, from meats to sides to desserts. There were a few other people there as well as a camera crew. They explained that we were in some sort of competition filling up plastic containers with food. So I was going around filling up my container. I remember there was some fish (breaded and golden brown) and I decided to try it (I don’t like fish). This long string of fishy yuckiness got stuck in my mouth. It was disgusting. At the end of the tables, my container was full of food, but super gross because it was all just piled in there in a heap. Then Gordon Ramsey showed up and started going through our containers and judging whether the food we picked was good or not. Terrifying. He said I picked a great piece of fish, but that the triple layer hamburger I'd picked wasn't stacked properly.
Later, I was going to meet up with this guy I’d been chatting online with so we could chat in real life. For some reason in my dream this felt completely non-sketchy. To get to where we were meeting, I had to go on this long hike through the woods. Eventually I realized that hiking was dumb, so I ended up riding this sort of mountain bike but with a trunk and four wheels contraption. I met the guy on the top of a giant dirt pile where he'd been riding his mountain bike. We chatted a bit and he invited me back to his house (again, this was all super non-sketchy in my dream). It was this super rustic place and his family knew all the different roots and plants from the forest you could eat. His younger sister—in this dirty dress and apron—was outside pulling what looked like weeds out of the ground, but were actually going to make soup for us later. We also killed a squirrel or bird or other small forest animal to add to the soup too. Sometimes we were by the ocean, but mostly we were in the forest.
January 19:
The cat woke me up before my alarm. I remembered my dream at that time, but didn't write it down (because my rule is that I only write things down when I actually wake up in the morning). By the time I my alarm went off, I only remembered that it had been quite a combative dream.
January 21:
I was trying to teach a young girl how to multiple by using dice, but I couldn't find my d10s anywhere. Also, I was in a play loft at the Halverson's house along with Alyssa, a cat, and a bunch of giant pillows. There was a rope ladder going down from the loft into a play set area. Then I went to church at this giant mega church. Jericho greeted me at the door and Tyler joined us shortly thereafter. I gave them both hugs, and they both returned them with "T-rex arm" hugs. Typical.
January 14:
I was trying to check out this enormous black library book--a fantasy novel with something about witches in the title, larger than a dictionary. I also wanted to get a book about 1970s spies that had a lime green cover, but the librarian informed me that I could only get one book. The black one was for Zack, so I opted to get that one (see? I'm thoughtful even in my dreams). Then I had to use my debit card to check the book out and had to pay a small fee (in cash) to get it. Jenna appeared there with me as well. We went to my car and drove across the street to park the car and take the bus, but I couldn't seem to get my car parked right--always too crooked, always not in the ideal spot. Then realized I needed gas and thought "Where am I going to find a gas station?!" whereupon a gas station conveniently appeared in the parking lot. I tried to pull up to a pump, but either I overshot it or when I got out of the car, the pump had turned to not face me anymore. I never got gas.
January 15:
I was trying to get ready for my high school's prom, but I didn't know what to wear--the formal prom dress? Jeans and a t-shirt? The struggle was real. The dream took place at my old house, in my old room. The whole time I kept calling my friend Anna asking her for advice on what to wear and what she was wearing. Meanwhile, I was also trying to eat before I had to leave. I ended up burning the pizza. Later, at the prom, which was also (apparently) a pool party, I saw my brother Tyler. He and some friends were swimming in the pool and Tyler (very un-tattooed in real life) had this giant tattoo across chest. Sadly, I don't recall what it said.
January 16:
Kelsey had us, Matt, Jenna and some others over for a party, but no one could agree on if we should stay in or go out.
Later, I was near this ancient, crumbling bell tower surrounded by lower stone walls. Some large fantasy-like creatures walked along the walls. They were also stoneish and shadowy but with glowing eyes.
Then my mom and I were shopping in Canada. She told me she's seen some pewter Lord of the Rings miniature statues that might be good for my D&D game at the Hallmark store (of all places). We then went to a boutique where I found a cream sweater with Sherpa inside I wanted to try on. There was only one fitting room available though so my mom went first. The shirt was either $12.99 or $21.99 (it kept changing), and I was concerned about how to pay for it without Canadian currency. While waiting for the fitting room, the store owner gave me this giant gun that was hinged in the middle. The stock end was this giant box with all sorts of switches and buttons. The owner pointed out to me that this whole contraption was actually a giant lighter/blow torch, and that the box on the end controlled the settings for the flames.
January 17:
A kidnapper had been chasing me for some time through this palm-tree dotted neighborhood. Somehow I found his gun in the grass as I was circling the neighborhood trying to lose him. I picked it up and thought, "Enough with this running thing. This guy is going down." Knowing that he was chasing behind me, I ducked behind the line up of 1970s pastel-colored cars parked for sale along the roadside and waited. When the kidnapper came past looking for me, I shot at him. My shot missed though, and the gun kept sticking. I had to use both hands to force the slide back into position after each shot. He started approaching me slowly and I kept firing as I could, but even the shots that hit didn't seem to hurt him.
I distinctly recall shouting at him, "Your gun sucks!"
He pulled out his other (nicer) gun and shot me three times in the stomach. While I was laying on the ground in pain, he came up to me and said, "Don't die yet."
January 18:
I was in this room filled with tables of food—all kinds of food, from meats to sides to desserts. There were a few other people there as well as a camera crew. They explained that we were in some sort of competition filling up plastic containers with food. So I was going around filling up my container. I remember there was some fish (breaded and golden brown) and I decided to try it (I don’t like fish). This long string of fishy yuckiness got stuck in my mouth. It was disgusting. At the end of the tables, my container was full of food, but super gross because it was all just piled in there in a heap. Then Gordon Ramsey showed up and started going through our containers and judging whether the food we picked was good or not. Terrifying. He said I picked a great piece of fish, but that the triple layer hamburger I'd picked wasn't stacked properly.
Later, I was going to meet up with this guy I’d been chatting online with so we could chat in real life. For some reason in my dream this felt completely non-sketchy. To get to where we were meeting, I had to go on this long hike through the woods. Eventually I realized that hiking was dumb, so I ended up riding this sort of mountain bike but with a trunk and four wheels contraption. I met the guy on the top of a giant dirt pile where he'd been riding his mountain bike. We chatted a bit and he invited me back to his house (again, this was all super non-sketchy in my dream). It was this super rustic place and his family knew all the different roots and plants from the forest you could eat. His younger sister—in this dirty dress and apron—was outside pulling what looked like weeds out of the ground, but were actually going to make soup for us later. We also killed a squirrel or bird or other small forest animal to add to the soup too. Sometimes we were by the ocean, but mostly we were in the forest.
January 19:
The cat woke me up before my alarm. I remembered my dream at that time, but didn't write it down (because my rule is that I only write things down when I actually wake up in the morning). By the time I my alarm went off, I only remembered that it had been quite a combative dream.
January 21:
I was trying to teach a young girl how to multiple by using dice, but I couldn't find my d10s anywhere. Also, I was in a play loft at the Halverson's house along with Alyssa, a cat, and a bunch of giant pillows. There was a rope ladder going down from the loft into a play set area. Then I went to church at this giant mega church. Jericho greeted me at the door and Tyler joined us shortly thereafter. I gave them both hugs, and they both returned them with "T-rex arm" hugs. Typical.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
My Google Search History: Part 2
*dah dah dah dah, another one bites the dust*
I recently finished the first draft of another manuscript (whoop whoop!), which means it's time to share my Google searches* for this book...
*This is not an exhaustive list. Everything searched did not necessarily play a vital role in the outcome of events.
I recently finished the first draft of another manuscript (whoop whoop!), which means it's time to share my Google searches* for this book...
- How hackers work
- Quantum computers
- Anonymous (after researching this and the above topics, watching multiple documentaries, and taking a class in programming, I was completely paranoid for about a month...actually, when I start thinking about it again, the paranoia returns...)
- How to write binary (Yup, those 0s and 1s make complete sense to me now as does my father-in-law's shirt which reads, "There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.")
- How to crack a safe (Totally depends on the safe and the equipment available, which is probably obvious, but it was fascinating to learn about. FYI, if you buy a safe that has a reset button on the inside of the door, you are asking for trouble)
- Fastest way to knock someone out (I've come to learn there's fast and then there's "safe" [side note: there really is no "safe"] and the two are definitely not the same thing)
- How to disarm a bomb (Another side note: why in the world would the bad guys put a handy-dandy timer on their super-killer bomb? You realize they can set them to explode without that, right? Think about it...)
- Can you break a finger with MMA gloves on (the answer is yes)
- How to break someone's finger with MMA gloves on (...but I needed to make sure you could do it INTENTIONALLY)
- Treating a broken finger (I found this horrible, horrible YouTube video that I literally couldn't watch all the way through of a doctor resetting a finger that looked like a traffic collision. I was not meant for a career in the medical field.)
- MMA submissions (I watched a lot of MMA fights. One of those things where my husband walks past and is like, "What are you doing?" and I'm like, "...um...writing...")
- Experiences that bond people (A strange search that turned out to be not that helpful)
- Terrifying team building experiences (Hilarious results. But again, not helpful.)
- What does PTSD feel like
- Fighting knives
- What information do you need to hack a car (This was an amazing thing to research. SO MANY POSSIBILITIES! I might need to write a short story around this idea. Also, I'm pretty sure I could build what I'd need to do this myself for about thirty bucks. Tempting...)
- How long can a person live without food (a good long while) or water (not nearly as long)
- How to sleep on concrete (with your eyes closed! ba-dum-ch!)
- Needle under fingernail (I once accidentally stabbed a fork underneath my fingernail...I had personal experience to draw from while working on this particular topic)
- How long will you pass out from pain (If the past few searches weren't clear enough...things did not go well for my main character during this adventure)
- What happens if you cut a cat's tail off (I know that probably seems completely unrelated, but there was a cat and it had a tail and I needed to know...)
- What happens if you give insulin to someone who doesn't need it
- Effects of sleep deprivation
- Medical reasons you must be handcuffed in front
- How to avoid detection when running in a forest (because, hey, you never know what Google holds! I ended up getting far less specific to find what I was actually looking for.)
- How to throw off scent dogs / hounds (FYI -- walking through a river isn't going to cut it)
- How to open hood of car from outside
- How to render someone unable to speak
- Injuries from breaking glass / window with elbow
- Arteries and veins in the arm (Can I just say, the day after researching these, I went to a danger show at RenFest where a guy put a cucumber along the underside of his arm and another guy threw knives at it to slice it in half. All my research made the event that much more terrifying. The whole time I was thinking, "Do they even know how close to dying they are right now?")
- How to escape a rooftop (Somehow during this search I ended up watching this video of a guy fleeing across rooftops in this sort of ramshackle village and getting rid of his pursuers one by one while an angry crowd [a la Aladdin] watched)
- How to fall safely from heights (honestly, the best way to summarize this is, "fall drunk"...that said, in general, I don't recommend mixing large quantities of alcohol and dangerous drops)
*This is not an exhaustive list. Everything searched did not necessarily play a vital role in the outcome of events.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Mom Quotes
I love my mom.
My husband is constantly pointing out the mannerisms and phrases I have that are exactly like her.
That said, my mom is perhaps one of the easiest people to tease ever. (And she takes it well, which is good because the hubs and I recently went camping for over a week with my parents and there was a lot of teasing to be had.) Being a writer, I always had a notebook on hand throughout the trip. The first page of my notebook? Mom Quotes.
Here are some of the things (verbatim) my mom said throughout our trip:
"I think I sprayed hairspray in my yogurt."
"You turned on my heat seaters."
On how many coffee grounds she uses...
Mom: "I have a 2/3 cup scoop so I do one full scoop with a flat top and then another half a scoop."
Me: "So you mean a cup?"
While enjoying a spectacular view: "You should see this through my sunglasses!" *hands glasses to me* "They're prescription. Is that a problem?"
Mom: "We loved our Dutchmen [camper]."
Dad: "We never had a Dutchmen.
"I'm going to throw some tree sap at you."
"We think we should go into Fantasy Falls--the not so general store. ...It's not what you think it is."
"If you call me Grammie one more time, you're all going to be rolling down the hill blowing your whistles!"
Regarding our 22.5 mile hike, which, for the record, was my idea...
Me: "Whose brilliant idea was that?"
Mom: "Mine! I take credit for the brilliant ideas!"
Regarding the chipmunks in the campground...
"If you took off the cuteness, it would just be evil underneath."
"I don't like this song. It could have been written by a five year old."
When I asked if she wanted a slice of my margherita pizza...
Mom: "Does it taste like margaritas?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Then I don't want any."
Later on the same topic...
Mom: "If they're different things, they should spell them differently!"
Zack: "They are spelled differently."
Mom: "Stop talking to me about spelling!"
Zack: "How much kahlua do you put in [your coffee]?"
Mom: "Oh I just dump until it feels like a tablespoon."
Dad: "Dump??"
"The first time I bought kahlua it was for Christmas and it lasted me until the next Christmas. The next bottle lasted me until about June. Then the next one was about...three months."
"I came back here just to light up your world."
At one point during the trip my mom just looked at me in silence for a long time. When I asked her why she wasn't talking, she said she was scared to say anything because I had my notebook out. I'm glad she didn't stop talking the whole time!
Love you, mom!
My husband is constantly pointing out the mannerisms and phrases I have that are exactly like her.
That said, my mom is perhaps one of the easiest people to tease ever. (And she takes it well, which is good because the hubs and I recently went camping for over a week with my parents and there was a lot of teasing to be had.) Being a writer, I always had a notebook on hand throughout the trip. The first page of my notebook? Mom Quotes.
Here are some of the things (verbatim) my mom said throughout our trip:
"I think I sprayed hairspray in my yogurt."
"You turned on my heat seaters."
On how many coffee grounds she uses...
Mom: "I have a 2/3 cup scoop so I do one full scoop with a flat top and then another half a scoop."
Me: "So you mean a cup?"
While enjoying a spectacular view: "You should see this through my sunglasses!" *hands glasses to me* "They're prescription. Is that a problem?"
Mom: "We loved our Dutchmen [camper]."
Dad: "We never had a Dutchmen.
"I'm going to throw some tree sap at you."
"We think we should go into Fantasy Falls--the not so general store. ...It's not what you think it is."
"If you call me Grammie one more time, you're all going to be rolling down the hill blowing your whistles!"
Regarding our 22.5 mile hike, which, for the record, was my idea...
Me: "Whose brilliant idea was that?"
Mom: "Mine! I take credit for the brilliant ideas!"
Regarding the chipmunks in the campground...
"If you took off the cuteness, it would just be evil underneath."
"I don't like this song. It could have been written by a five year old."
When I asked if she wanted a slice of my margherita pizza...
Mom: "Does it taste like margaritas?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Then I don't want any."
Later on the same topic...
Mom: "If they're different things, they should spell them differently!"
Zack: "They are spelled differently."
Mom: "Stop talking to me about spelling!"
Zack: "How much kahlua do you put in [your coffee]?"
Mom: "Oh I just dump until it feels like a tablespoon."
Dad: "Dump??"
"The first time I bought kahlua it was for Christmas and it lasted me until the next Christmas. The next bottle lasted me until about June. Then the next one was about...three months."
"I came back here just to light up your world."
Love you, mom!
Thursday, June 11, 2015
How I Outlined a Novel on Accident
Okay, so it wasn't totally on accident (but it made a good title, right?). Usually, I don't even outline novels. I'm lucky to keep one step ahead of my characters, but this time was different, and I'm all for that. Every novel is its own animal, so I can't expect the leash that wrangled the last one onto a word doc to tame the new beast raging around in my head.
But we're getting off topic. How did I end up accidentally outlining this novel?
It went a little something like this:
"You know, I think I need to take some time to just focus on editing this most recent manuscript. I'm going to give myself the freedom to do that by putting writing new content on the back burner for a while."
*shifts pot to back burner*
"But, boy, wouldn't basil be good in that back pot?"
*makes a note about basil even though I have no idea what else will be in the pot with it*
*repeat over the following weeks*
Pretty soon I had a big stack of note cards with little snippets and ideas written on them. Some of the ideas were very hazy. Things like "Car chase? Crash?" and "Friendly rivalry?".
Others were actual snippets of scenes, a few lines of dialogue. Things like:
The woman hesitates. "It's bad, Alice."
My stomach drops.
"You should really get over there now."
and
"What makes you think I'd believe anything you say?"
"Have you misled you so far?"
"Benedict Arnold could have asked the same question."
"You'll have to answer that question for yourself then. You said it yourself--why would you believe anything I say?"
Then one night, I fished all my note cards out of the depths of my purse and my computer bag from work and the sides of my desk drawers and started pinning them to my corkboard. Fifteen minutes, a few new cards, and a lot of rearranging later, I sat back and looked at my next novel outlined in front of me.
Sure, there are missing spots and I'm not quite sure how to actually get to some of the scenes on that board, but I know where I want it to go, beginning to end.
The brain is an amazing, amazing thing. I wasn't intentionally outlining or even thinking deeply about this novel, but all those snippets came together in a beautiful way.
Now, just to write it...
But we're getting off topic. How did I end up accidentally outlining this novel?
It went a little something like this:
"You know, I think I need to take some time to just focus on editing this most recent manuscript. I'm going to give myself the freedom to do that by putting writing new content on the back burner for a while."
*shifts pot to back burner*
"But, boy, wouldn't basil be good in that back pot?"
*makes a note about basil even though I have no idea what else will be in the pot with it*
*repeat over the following weeks*
Pretty soon I had a big stack of note cards with little snippets and ideas written on them. Some of the ideas were very hazy. Things like "Car chase? Crash?" and "Friendly rivalry?".
Others were actual snippets of scenes, a few lines of dialogue. Things like:
The woman hesitates. "It's bad, Alice."
My stomach drops.
"You should really get over there now."
and
"What makes you think I'd believe anything you say?"
"Have you misled you so far?"
"Benedict Arnold could have asked the same question."
"You'll have to answer that question for yourself then. You said it yourself--why would you believe anything I say?"
Then one night, I fished all my note cards out of the depths of my purse and my computer bag from work and the sides of my desk drawers and started pinning them to my corkboard. Fifteen minutes, a few new cards, and a lot of rearranging later, I sat back and looked at my next novel outlined in front of me.
Sure, there are missing spots and I'm not quite sure how to actually get to some of the scenes on that board, but I know where I want it to go, beginning to end.
The brain is an amazing, amazing thing. I wasn't intentionally outlining or even thinking deeply about this novel, but all those snippets came together in a beautiful way.
Now, just to write it...
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
The Ten Commandments of Twitter Pitch Contests
A Twitter pitch contest is a great opportunity to start a "relationship" with an agent so you don't have to send your query in cold. Participating in the contests can be confusing, so I wanted to share my 10 Commandments of Twitter Pitch Contests. The advice here varies from Twitching manners to the construction of the pitch itself. I hope it is helpful!
1. Keep your pitch to one tweet. Don't split it between two. Don't link to the "rest" of it. 140 characters is all you've got for your pitch and any necessary hashtags. Use it wisely.
2. Don't flood the feed. Most contests will dictate how many times throughout the day you are allowed to post your pitch (generally, it is once or twice per hour) but read the contest rules. If you post more often in hopes that more eyes will see your pitch, you'll get your wish, but the feeling towards you won't be a positive one--from agents or from the writing community in general.
3. Stick to one (MAYBE two) named characters. There simply isn't space to name more than that.
4. Avoid asking questions, rhetorical or otherwise. Of course, there are always exceptions, but this seems to be the general consensus among agents.
5. Favorites are for agents. Don't favorite a fellow writer's tweet in hopes of encouraging them. You'll only give them the false joy that an agent wants to see more of their work, and they'll be sad when it's just little ol' you. If you want to show support for your fellow writings, retweet their pitch instead.
6. State the stakes. It's tough with such limited space, but do include the stakes in your pitch. What will happen if your MC doesn't succeed? Be as specific as possible.
7. Vary your pitches. Say that you can post twice an hour and the contest runs for eight hours. That's sixteen chances to get your pitch out there. Rather than posting the same thing sixteen times, vary your pitches. Come up with several strong pitches and rotate through them. When you do repeat a pitch, be sure to switch up the wording or order of words, otherwise Twitter may flag the repeated tweet as spam and you'll miss valuable pitch opportunities.
8. Respect the time limits. If the contest runs from 8AM - 8PM PST, tweet only within those hours. Be sure to adjust accordingly if that is outside your time zone and don't be that person who is posting hours early or hours late. It's bad juju.
9. Be prepared. Schedule your tweets in advance using sites like TweetDeck or HootSuite, then you don't have to worry about missing a tweet day-of.
10. Seek feedback. There are plenty of people who offer to critique Twitter pitches free of charge, so take advantage of these opportunities ahead of time (follow blogs, twitter feeds, etc. of other writers as they will often notify people in advance of these opportunities). You could always try offering a "give to get" as well! Swap pitches, offer feedback, and even if you don't hit gold (stars, that is) with an agent, you might just make a new best friend.
Best of luck to you in all your Twitching endeavors!
1. Keep your pitch to one tweet. Don't split it between two. Don't link to the "rest" of it. 140 characters is all you've got for your pitch and any necessary hashtags. Use it wisely.
2. Don't flood the feed. Most contests will dictate how many times throughout the day you are allowed to post your pitch (generally, it is once or twice per hour) but read the contest rules. If you post more often in hopes that more eyes will see your pitch, you'll get your wish, but the feeling towards you won't be a positive one--from agents or from the writing community in general.
3. Stick to one (MAYBE two) named characters. There simply isn't space to name more than that.4. Avoid asking questions, rhetorical or otherwise. Of course, there are always exceptions, but this seems to be the general consensus among agents.
5. Favorites are for agents. Don't favorite a fellow writer's tweet in hopes of encouraging them. You'll only give them the false joy that an agent wants to see more of their work, and they'll be sad when it's just little ol' you. If you want to show support for your fellow writings, retweet their pitch instead.
6. State the stakes. It's tough with such limited space, but do include the stakes in your pitch. What will happen if your MC doesn't succeed? Be as specific as possible.
7. Vary your pitches. Say that you can post twice an hour and the contest runs for eight hours. That's sixteen chances to get your pitch out there. Rather than posting the same thing sixteen times, vary your pitches. Come up with several strong pitches and rotate through them. When you do repeat a pitch, be sure to switch up the wording or order of words, otherwise Twitter may flag the repeated tweet as spam and you'll miss valuable pitch opportunities.
8. Respect the time limits. If the contest runs from 8AM - 8PM PST, tweet only within those hours. Be sure to adjust accordingly if that is outside your time zone and don't be that person who is posting hours early or hours late. It's bad juju.
9. Be prepared. Schedule your tweets in advance using sites like TweetDeck or HootSuite, then you don't have to worry about missing a tweet day-of.
10. Seek feedback. There are plenty of people who offer to critique Twitter pitches free of charge, so take advantage of these opportunities ahead of time (follow blogs, twitter feeds, etc. of other writers as they will often notify people in advance of these opportunities). You could always try offering a "give to get" as well! Swap pitches, offer feedback, and even if you don't hit gold (stars, that is) with an agent, you might just make a new best friend.
Best of luck to you in all your Twitching endeavors!
Monday, June 1, 2015
On Missionettes and Why I Never Earned My Tiara
When I was growing up, my church had this program for girls called Missionettes. It's sort of the Christian equivalent of Girl Scouts (not sure what's wrong with plain old Girl Scouts, but that's another conversation. Probably one that would lead into my conversation about how I would have LOVED to learn what the Pioneers/Boy Scouts were learning and never had the chance. While they tied knots and made arrows, we were no joke learning how to stir in mixing bowls without spilling. Seriously? *insert explicative of your choice*).
Needless to say, I wasn't super enthused about the whole thing, but one year I decided (or was coerced? I'm not quite sure) into giving it at try. Really the prevailing reason was that when you reached the end of the program and earned all your badges, you got to participate in the graduation ceremony. You wore a silk cape and a tiara and got a rose. Really, what more could a girl ask for? Because even though I wanted to make derby cars and learn to build fires, I still wanted that tiara, too.
Since I was starting later than the other girls, my sash was woefully lacking in way of badges. Being the person I am, I decided to make quick work of that. I worked my tail off so I could get caught up by the time our first badge ceremony came around. Most of the stuff was pretty stupid. I remember that part of earning the health badge involved tracking how many cookies you ate each day. Even my pre-teen brain could figure that one out--"I ate zero cookies today...AND A MILLION DONUTS! NOW GIVE ME MY HEALTH BADGE, YOU FLOOZIES!"
Regardless, by the time the ceremony rolled around, I had pretty much caught up to everyone else and was prepared to officially gain the mountain of badges I'd earned. We gathered on the stage, our parents gathered in the seats, the older girls got their silk capes and tiaras (with the rest of us younglings salivating over them). When my turn came, I walked up expecting a mountain of badges. That's what I'd earned. Instead, I got only a few.
Afterwards, I confronted my teacher about it. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went down. I believe it had something to do with them saying I couldn't earn that many at once/there's no way anyone could have done that amount of work in that amount of time (which clearly demonstrates how little they knew me!)
What I definitely remember is the result: none of those missing badges for me.
I never went back to Missionettes again.
They'd screwed me over. I'd earned something, and they hadn't delivered. I felt scammed and taken advantage of. I felt like the girls who had been in the program longer were the favorites, and I was getting scammed as the newbie. And hell if I was going to give them one more ounce of my time.
I like to think there's a lesson in here somewhere.
That as teachers or leaders, at home or in the workplace, we ought to be especially careful to give credit when it is earned, because when someone works for something, has been promised something, and you fail to come through on it, you may just lose them entirely.
And also, for the love of God and all that is good and holy in the world, let the girls tie knots!
Needless to say, I wasn't super enthused about the whole thing, but one year I decided (or was coerced? I'm not quite sure) into giving it at try. Really the prevailing reason was that when you reached the end of the program and earned all your badges, you got to participate in the graduation ceremony. You wore a silk cape and a tiara and got a rose. Really, what more could a girl ask for? Because even though I wanted to make derby cars and learn to build fires, I still wanted that tiara, too.
Since I was starting later than the other girls, my sash was woefully lacking in way of badges. Being the person I am, I decided to make quick work of that. I worked my tail off so I could get caught up by the time our first badge ceremony came around. Most of the stuff was pretty stupid. I remember that part of earning the health badge involved tracking how many cookies you ate each day. Even my pre-teen brain could figure that one out--"I ate zero cookies today...AND A MILLION DONUTS! NOW GIVE ME MY HEALTH BADGE, YOU FLOOZIES!"
Regardless, by the time the ceremony rolled around, I had pretty much caught up to everyone else and was prepared to officially gain the mountain of badges I'd earned. We gathered on the stage, our parents gathered in the seats, the older girls got their silk capes and tiaras (with the rest of us younglings salivating over them). When my turn came, I walked up expecting a mountain of badges. That's what I'd earned. Instead, I got only a few.
Afterwards, I confronted my teacher about it. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went down. I believe it had something to do with them saying I couldn't earn that many at once/there's no way anyone could have done that amount of work in that amount of time (which clearly demonstrates how little they knew me!)
What I definitely remember is the result: none of those missing badges for me.
I never went back to Missionettes again.
They'd screwed me over. I'd earned something, and they hadn't delivered. I felt scammed and taken advantage of. I felt like the girls who had been in the program longer were the favorites, and I was getting scammed as the newbie. And hell if I was going to give them one more ounce of my time.
I like to think there's a lesson in here somewhere.
That as teachers or leaders, at home or in the workplace, we ought to be especially careful to give credit when it is earned, because when someone works for something, has been promised something, and you fail to come through on it, you may just lose them entirely.
And also, for the love of God and all that is good and holy in the world, let the girls tie knots!
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