Recording every dream I have for 365 days...
August 27:
I dreamed I had my friend Kate's dog Kevin, friend Steph's dog Marvel and another fluffy
white dog for the day (in hindsight -- Jenna and Matt recently adopted a fluffy white dog. Was this dream a premonition that they'd end up with him?). The dogs were great but as the day started winding
down, I asked Zack how exactly they were all going to get back to their
respective owners. He claimed it would be a short drive to drop them all
back home. I reminded him that Kate lives in Medina (which she doesn't, but whatever) and it would be a
long drive from White Bear Lake there.
I dreamed I was walking along this narrow, rocky path on the edge of a
cliff. On my left was a tall, sheer wall of rock going way, way up and on my right was an equally long fall to certain death. I came to a
narrow stone bridge with no railings crossing a chasm to a shopping
mall on the other side. I started on the bridge and felt my feet sink
slightly into what I had thought was stone. I jumped ahead just in time to see thin pine boughs snap below
my feet and fall down, down, down to the rocky ground below. The gap they opened revealed
leopards in the cavern, snarling and jumping up to try to get me. I realized
then that there were pine boughs covering gaps in the bridge every few
feet. They somehow blended in with the rest of the bridge.
After I made it safely across, I went into the mall where I took an escalator down
to the lower levels. There were a ton of people in the mall, including a man
in a motorized wheelchair. We were moving toward each other, and I moved
over as best I could to give him space to pass me. Instead he turned
his chair to get in my way again. I moved, but again he followed my path until we
came face to face. He got mad at me for not moving for him. I told him
he was a jerk who was using his disability as an excuse for being
privileged.
August 28:
Zack and I were getting gas, and I accidentally put diesel in my
car. It cost $107.07 and I was googling what to do but no one on Google
was talking about it. (Also I realize that this is not my first dream about accidentally putting diesel in my car.)
I went to Duluth to visit parents, but in the old blue house I grew up in. They had a pet
bear (who was also occasionally a very badly behaved 5 year old boy) who they
hadn't trained at all. When he got aggressive toward me, I locked him
in the hallway. I looked for my diffuser to spray a calming oil but then
realize it was at home in the Cities.
My mom and dad were getting a new couch from my Uncle Steve who had been
working overtime to buy them one. I asked what they were
doing with their old couch because I knew "someone" who might just want
it in their basement family room. She don't seem to understand that I
was talking about me. (PS: just the other day my dad texted me and said they're getting a new couch and asked if we wanted the old one! Whoa!)
I was swimming in Moose Lake with my cousin Jamie (who also sometimes
became Tyler). When it was Jamie, she was wearing Nicole's old pink flower swimsuit.
We got a dozen innertubes of various sizes and floated out to the raft in the middle of the lake. There
were so many turtles and they kept trying to bite us. There was a photographer
there taking photos, which was odd even in the dream. When we were about to come in from the raft, Nicole
and Tawnya (as teenagers) came running down to the dock to join us. Tawnya
wore her blue tankini and Nicole wore a black, peach, teal color-blocked zip up suit. We let them join us and agreed to stay out longer, but told them to
watch out do turtles.
August 29:
I dreamed I was at a hotel and trying to park my and Zack's cars. My car
was super crooked in the spot so when I parked Zack's car next to it, it
settled and bumped my car. I drove around the block one more time and
came to a hill in Duluth that was over 90 degrees straight up. The car flew off the
top of the hill and fell and fell and fell but never crashed.
I dreamed Chelsea (freshmen college roommate) was at the hotel too and couldn't find her Finding Nemo themed
room. I helped. The hotel had personal mini saunas you could reserve.
A band called Jump Fire (not Jump Five) showed up at our house. Zack had apparently said they could
stay with us while they played some shows in Minneapolis but hadn't told me about it.
August 30:
I was at Tawnya and Robert's old house in the Cities. They were having friends over
for a party. Mom and dad came and brought a bunch of excessively floppy
mattresses with them since it was a sleepover and we wouldn't have
enough otherwise. I left the gas burner lit on the stove accidentally. Sorry guys.
August 31:
I was hanging out with my friend Alyssa and all these cowboys and cowgirls (is there a term for both? Cowpeople?). Anyway, we were wrangling wild horses
and cows. My first horse I did fine with, but then she got tired so I got a
new horse. This one wouldn't listen at all and walked into trees and
backed up randomly all the time and was generally difficult.
I was at a restaurant and Mark (friend from elementary school) came up to me with his daughter. We
caught up for a bit then got food. Jenna was there as well. For some
reason she wasn't wearing pants and the people in the restaurant were
very uncomfortable with that. I got my hand stuck in the side of my
stretchy workout pants (apparently I was thinking a lot about pants). There were these nerdy guys at paint table painting miniatures who made fun of me. I had expected that they'd be attracted to a girl who games, but apparently not.
I broke into my childhood house and walked around seeing all the things the
new owner had changed. Then the new owners came home and found me.
I had to write a history paper but had no internet. First I was going to
have my topic be "the dictionary" (because the teacher would be impressed with how
many pages were in the book) but they said I needed to be more specific. So
I changed to the Civil War. Unsurprisingly, that was also not specific enough.
September 1:
My friend Anna and I were going to a conference together. I tried to drive there but got
stuck behind all these barriers in a parking lot across the street, so we parked behind
the building across the street and walked the rest of the way. On the way, we stopped at the giant black mailbox to pick up our books for the conference which we had mailed to ourselves ahead of time. There were probably
a dozen other packages in the box too, most them the size of ring boxes and from
me. I couldn't figure out what I'd sent to myself, and then remembered that I'd
mailed us individual starbursts for snacks. Anna got a package with two starbursts (orange and
yellow).
My co-worker Karen and I were talking to two punk-skater students. I went on a tirade at them about how they needed to care about their reputation and show initiative in their jobs. I ended up swearing
at them (but it was in encouragement!). Karen was shocked, and I was so
sure I was going to get fired
September 2:
I went horseback riding with Alyssa, my cousin Jamie, and high school friend Matt. The horses were Tim Burton style with one like Jack the Pumpkin King from Nightmare Before Christmas, but a horse. I rode that
one. It was black with white pinstripes and super tall and mega skinny. For some reason, everyone looked to me to teach them to ride and to lead the group. We rode through a land full
of chickens the size of buildings eating proportionally sized worms who
screamed for help.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Friday, December 9, 2016
Dream Update: Week 32
Recording every dream for 365 days...
August 20:
Dreamed my sister Tawnya was talking about a surprise birthday party she'd planned for Mom when she was thirteen. Mom and my other sister Nicole were saying how Mom knew the whole time and went over all the details with Shari, our Sunday school teacher. Tawnya got offended.
August 20:
Dreamed I set my friend Jason and a girl from my hall freshmen year named Bree up on a date. Jason showed up in Aladdin pants and riding boots. He knows how to make an impression.
Then I dreamed I looked out my bedroom window in the morning and saw my neighbor and his older friend on workout bikes in their front widow just watching me. Not pedaling the bikes, just sitting on them...watching...
I dreamed I woke up and Zack wasn't home yet (he was gone on a trip to Milwaukee in real life). Then I "woke up" from my dream (in my dream) and he was there. He had the shower running and had baked three turkey breasts and carrots and potatoes for us. He said he would have made a whole turkey, but it was so hard to tell when they're done. Then I dreamed I woke up AGAIN (still dreaming, but now thinking "oh, all the stuff that happened before this was a dream but NOW I'm awake, surely") and he wasn't there again.
I then planned to sew a ball gown dress for a Barbie and went on a hunt for cool fabric. I ended up deciding on wired ribbon so in could shape it into a big bell shape when I was done.
August 21:
I dreamed I was driving to a UNW dinner theater event had stopped at a red light. The second the light turned green, the car behind me started honking and swearing at me. I was upset. As we continued driving, I let the honker get in front of me and started honking back at them (real mature, I know). I then realized the driver was mom of one of the girl's from my volleyball team and her boyfriend...and that we were heading to the same event.
The theater part of the event turned into a concert of sorts and got quite out of hand and raucous (particularly for a UNW event). I was dancing like crazy and having a grand old time. Co-worker Karen pulled me out and told me I couldn't do that because I work in Human Resources. She also accused me of joining the band in trying to incite riot and that I was likely be fired. I got mad and went on a tirade about innocent until proven guilty and ran back onto the stage to plead my case with the crowd. Eventually they dragged me out and I returned to my car.
The theater part of the event turned into a concert of sorts and got quite out of hand and raucous (particularly for a UNW event). I was dancing like crazy and having a grand old time. Co-worker Karen pulled me out and told me I couldn't do that because I work in Human Resources. She also accused me of joining the band in trying to incite riot and that I was likely be fired. I got mad and went on a tirade about innocent until proven guilty and ran back onto the stage to plead my case with the crowd. Eventually they dragged me out and I returned to my car.
Outside, before I left, I was talking with my high school friend Josh and he was saying all the things he had to do winterize his house (plants and pipes and what have you).
I also dreamed that the mannequin I made of Zack for creating his RenFest costume somehow deflated and was useless and I was sad.
August 22:
My parents, brother and I were at my Grandma Jan's funeral. It was real sad. At the end, we went to the top of the building where there was a parking garage to get in the car. After circling the top of the building, we couldn't find the exit. My dad kept driving faster and faster trying to get home so he could be alone to cry. We ended up abandoning the car and crawling through these little tunnels on our bellies while holding onto this tubing rope to stay together. I thought I found the exit at one point, but I was at the end of the chain and by the time my message reached the leaders up front, we'd already passed what I thought was the way out.
So instead, we ended up abroad this spaceship, but my mom and dad were put in the back cargo area and a heavy locked door was between us and them. Tyler and I were up with the pilots, control panels, and two other passengers who were super excited. They had saved their pennies their whole lives for this flight. They explained that riding with the pilots was safer because they'd drop the cargo hold in case of emergency.
We couldn't even talk to or hear Mom and Dad through the door. I was banging on the glass trying to get to them but couldn't. I demanded the pilots let me back with them, but they refused. I tried messing up the controls to make them realize I was going to be a problem up front, but they still refused. Eventually my mom came and sat near the glass very calmly. She started doing the motions to a childhood song she used to sing with us about a river in the bottom of the ocean. We did the motions along with her, and we all cried. It very much felt like goodbye.
So instead, we ended up abroad this spaceship, but my mom and dad were put in the back cargo area and a heavy locked door was between us and them. Tyler and I were up with the pilots, control panels, and two other passengers who were super excited. They had saved their pennies their whole lives for this flight. They explained that riding with the pilots was safer because they'd drop the cargo hold in case of emergency.
We couldn't even talk to or hear Mom and Dad through the door. I was banging on the glass trying to get to them but couldn't. I demanded the pilots let me back with them, but they refused. I tried messing up the controls to make them realize I was going to be a problem up front, but they still refused. Eventually my mom came and sat near the glass very calmly. She started doing the motions to a childhood song she used to sing with us about a river in the bottom of the ocean. We did the motions along with her, and we all cried. It very much felt like goodbye.
Then I dreamed I was on the UNW volleyball team. They all ate peanut butter bites. I didn't because I don't like peanut butter.
Finally, I dreamed that Zack and I woke up late for work (at 11:30 to be precise). We were in my childhood bedroom with pink walls and carpet. I had gotten the job at Faegre (where Zack works and where I had interviewed a couple years ago), and they'd left me message after message trying to figure out where I was. I tried to get dressed but couldn't figure out what to wear. The shower drain got clogged by rocks and the bathroom floor turned to mud. I didn't even know if the buses were running to get me downtown that late anyway. It was basically a disaster.
August 23:
Me, Tyler, and friends Anna and Shep were trying to climb this ginormous dirt/mud pile. We got maybe ten feet away from the top, but we were all so exhausted and the ground so squishy underfoot that we couldn't move anymore so we were just laying there trying not to lose ground. They all started saying things like, "Well, we gave it our best" and "Maybe next time." I looked down and saw the huge climb we'd already made and knew I couldn't give all that work up for nothing. So I got stubborn and made a mad dash to the top, leaping at the end to grab the peak like the warped wall on American Ninja Warrior and hauling myself up to the pinnacle. I guess I'm persistent like that even in my dreams.
I dreamed I had to do a math problem on a whiteboard for the class in school. I did it once but before presenting to the class I noticed I'd made a mistake. I erased the problem to start again but then I couldn't find a marker that worked. I must've tried a dozen.
Dreamed my sister Tawnya was talking about a surprise birthday party she'd planned for Mom when she was thirteen. Mom and my other sister Nicole were saying how Mom knew the whole time and went over all the details with Shari, our Sunday school teacher. Tawnya got offended.
August 24:
My friend Anna and I had just returned from vacationing with the H's (family from elementary school). Nicole, who had been on the vacation as well, and I had ridden with Mr. H and it was terrifying. So, anyway, Anna and I were standing near the fence at my high school's playground while Tyler's classmates were putting on a play.
In the play, we all got delicious sugar cookies. Then Anna and I got extras because they used us as the "parents" in the play who the kids made cookies for. But I was so full I only took a bite or two of the second cookie before offering the rest to the rest of the class. I checked my planner for homework because I felt like I was forgetting something (this feeling will apparently never go away).
Mom, Dad, and I were camping near shore of Lake Superior. We saw the northern lights, only they were really close to us and sort of tangible, all gold and green and purple over the lake. It was gorgeous.
August 25:
My cousin Jamie and I had drive from the Cities together to visit my family. My mom made three dozen cookies and my dad made three dozen cookies, so there were a lot of cookies. On the second day of our visit, my dad asked if the cookies tasted more savory. We agreed that they did, whatever that means.
I dreamed about IVF. I had a little petri dish with the sperm and egg inside but couldn't decide what to do with it, or if we could afford it. As I carried it around, it started growing and was soon a small pile of pink flesh.
August 26:
I dreamed I was at Jenna and Matt's house only it had been turned into a shelter/barn for animals (this really doesn't seem too far outside the realm of possibility). They had probably a dozen cats, various dogs, a flock of large chickens, and a pony. One of the chickens was sick, and Jenna was really worried about it. She was trying to get it to drink seltzer water but the chicken was really mean and would chase us away and try to eat us.
Jenna had two ovens in her animal-crowded kitchen and was baking cupcakes in one of them. (Also PS: I just realized that I often dream about there being two ovens in the kitchen. Weird.) The cupcakes were done so I was going to pull them out but had nowhere to set them. I tried to clear off the top of one of the ovens, but they were covered in food goo. The cupcakes burned while I was scrambling.
I dreamed Zack and I had moved into our house and then he decided it was too much work. We moved back to our apartment, but still owned our house. "What now?" I asked him. "We still have a mortgage and now rent and all our friends and family are gone (yes, as in, they have left us and are no longer our friends) after helping us move twice in a row." He seemed to realize his mistake then and wanted to move back into our house but it was too late.
Monday, December 5, 2016
RPGs and Writing
My antagonist and protagonist are standing in a room together. The antagonist wets a cloth and tosses it to the protagonist so she can clean up her injuries.
I spend the next twenty minutes staring at the screen trying to decide if my protagonist will catch the cloth or let it drop to the floor. And what does either of those actions mean? And if she does catch it, does she snatch it from the air in anger before hurling it back? Or does she spread it out in her hands while she thinks about how in the world she ended up here? And if it drops, does the antagonist come pick it up? Does she kick it or step on it to drive home her point? Does it sit between them like a metaphor for all the things left unsaid? Or maybe she finds some clever way to use this seemingly innocuous item as a weapon?
And here's the beauty of this situation: I control it. I control every last piece of it.
But here's the ugly stepsister of this situation: I control it. I control every last piece of it.
Every. Last. Piece.
And that's asking a lot. There's a lot to consider. A lot to figure out. All the threads need to weave in and out of each other to compile a tapestry so complete I could use it for a parachute. My character's lives will depend on it.
Within the last year and a half or so, I started getting into Role Playing Games. And it took a while to let go of that enchanting ugly stepsister called "control" with whom I had become so familiar in my creative endeavors. I was suddenly a very different part of a story, and I didn't have to decide what would happen if that cloth was caught or not, or what it might mean down the road, or what every other character in the world's reaction might be to a cloth that is accepted or rejected from the air. Instead I only had to answer a single question, and I had to answer it fast because there were five other people in the room staring at me. Waiting. It's one simple, enticing, aggravating question asked time and time again: "What do you do?"
Playing in RPGs taught me to view stories differently. To take the same risks with my novel's characters that I do with my RPG characters. To make a decision and let the chips fall where they may. I learned to separate myself from acting as "Lord of the Story" and to instead look at my character's invisible stat sheet and work from there, letting their successes and failures drive the story. Whether I have one character in the scene or twelve, I can go around the room asking that familiar question "What do you do?" then take into account their strengths and weakness before letting them act. The beauty of this–in both RPGs and writing–is that it keeps things moving, because it's awfully hard to redirect a missile that isn't moving. But if you've got motion, you have all sorts of energy you can use to travel or destroy or turn towards the moon or crash into the sea. Letting things sit stagnant isn't fun in RPGs, and it isn't fun in writing either. I've gotten better at preventing scenes of stagnancy since I started RPGing.
But then there's this other animal born of RPGs - actually running a game. Which of course I had to try. I wanted to step behind the screen and pull the strings, build the world, take back a modicum of that feeling I have become so accustomed to when writing novels.
In some ways, GMing is a billion times easier than writing. Primarily because I don't need to make all the decisions. I don't need to adopt every major character's voice, determine all of their motivations and desires, or– the most thrilling piece of all–I don't need to determine the protagonist's answers to "What do you do?" Instead I just need to present them with the question and determine the outcome of their answer.
And sometimes, I don't even have to do that. Because RPGs have a beautiful little thing called mechanics. The numbers that rule the game even more than I can. You want to pickpocket the baron? You want to attack the monster? You want to convince the villagers that you are the legendary hunter they've all heard stories about? Roll the dice. We'll see where the numbers fall and go from there. It might mean flat out failure or great success, but either way the decision isn't always in my hands. And I kind of love that.
While I haven't taken to rolling dice while writing just yet (although I've been tempted) the concept does carry. How difficult will it be to convince these people to help you out? Maybe quite difficult, but if you start offering them bribes or buddying up with their pals, they might just be a little easier to persuade. Thinking about sticky situations more mechanically has made my narrative outcomes come more quickly and with less cursor blinking.
That may sound like leeching all that I-spell-gray-with-an-e poetic whimsy out of the creative process, but in reality what it does is leech all the I'm-over-analyzing-this-because-I-spell-gray-with-an-e out of it, forcing you to get on with the story. If you want to go back and sprinkle unnecessarily flowery metaphors over the bones of the scene later, that's cool, but at least get that rotting corpse on paper.
But then in some ways, GMing is also a billion times more difficult than writing. Primarily because there are a handful of unreliable co-authors at the table who can and will throw everything out of whack the minute they get their grubby little mitts into the story. They're called players, and when you ask them "What do you do?" odds are good they're going to give you some insane out-of-left-field response that forces you to reconsider everything in an instant. They'll say things that make you go, "I'm sorry. You want to do what?"
While this is challenging, it is also fantastic. It improves your improvisation skills (sorry to break the illusion, players, but yes, more often than not I'm just making stuff up trying to keep pace with your antics. I'm looking at you "first we rescue the innocent fawn from the crawling claws so later we can slaughter it and bathe in its blood" crew). Dealing with these unanticipated turns teaches your mind to not only improvise quickly but also to consider multiple paths more readily. Where I might have previously considered two or three options for my characters I now find myself giving them a bevy of options, all at varying degrees of insanity.
But there's the drawback to this whole beautiful beast of RPGs, and it's simply this: distraction.
Between GMing, playing in, and thinking about RPGs, their lovable (or hate-able) characters, and their unique worlds, the amount of time and creative mental space left over for writing can quickly disintegrate to a mere modicum of what it could have been. Particularly when I'm feeling stuck in my writing. It is so much easier to ignore a problem scene in a book when there are other tempting creative outlets looming right at the edges of my vision, ones with other ready minds to rely on for help with road blocks.
It's a problem I haven't solved because, frankly, I'm just enjoying myself too much to worry about it. But one of these days I'll crack down and make sure I'm pumping out a solid word count again. I probably won't be back at the 1000 words a day I was at prior to diving into the world of RPGs, but I want to at least find balance between these two loves, and perhaps even a beautiful synergy.
I spend the next twenty minutes staring at the screen trying to decide if my protagonist will catch the cloth or let it drop to the floor. And what does either of those actions mean? And if she does catch it, does she snatch it from the air in anger before hurling it back? Or does she spread it out in her hands while she thinks about how in the world she ended up here? And if it drops, does the antagonist come pick it up? Does she kick it or step on it to drive home her point? Does it sit between them like a metaphor for all the things left unsaid? Or maybe she finds some clever way to use this seemingly innocuous item as a weapon?
And here's the beauty of this situation: I control it. I control every last piece of it.
But here's the ugly stepsister of this situation: I control it. I control every last piece of it.
Every. Last. Piece.
And that's asking a lot. There's a lot to consider. A lot to figure out. All the threads need to weave in and out of each other to compile a tapestry so complete I could use it for a parachute. My character's lives will depend on it.
Within the last year and a half or so, I started getting into Role Playing Games. And it took a while to let go of that enchanting ugly stepsister called "control" with whom I had become so familiar in my creative endeavors. I was suddenly a very different part of a story, and I didn't have to decide what would happen if that cloth was caught or not, or what it might mean down the road, or what every other character in the world's reaction might be to a cloth that is accepted or rejected from the air. Instead I only had to answer a single question, and I had to answer it fast because there were five other people in the room staring at me. Waiting. It's one simple, enticing, aggravating question asked time and time again: "What do you do?"
Playing in RPGs taught me to view stories differently. To take the same risks with my novel's characters that I do with my RPG characters. To make a decision and let the chips fall where they may. I learned to separate myself from acting as "Lord of the Story" and to instead look at my character's invisible stat sheet and work from there, letting their successes and failures drive the story. Whether I have one character in the scene or twelve, I can go around the room asking that familiar question "What do you do?" then take into account their strengths and weakness before letting them act. The beauty of this–in both RPGs and writing–is that it keeps things moving, because it's awfully hard to redirect a missile that isn't moving. But if you've got motion, you have all sorts of energy you can use to travel or destroy or turn towards the moon or crash into the sea. Letting things sit stagnant isn't fun in RPGs, and it isn't fun in writing either. I've gotten better at preventing scenes of stagnancy since I started RPGing.
But then there's this other animal born of RPGs - actually running a game. Which of course I had to try. I wanted to step behind the screen and pull the strings, build the world, take back a modicum of that feeling I have become so accustomed to when writing novels.
In some ways, GMing is a billion times easier than writing. Primarily because I don't need to make all the decisions. I don't need to adopt every major character's voice, determine all of their motivations and desires, or– the most thrilling piece of all–I don't need to determine the protagonist's answers to "What do you do?" Instead I just need to present them with the question and determine the outcome of their answer.
And sometimes, I don't even have to do that. Because RPGs have a beautiful little thing called mechanics. The numbers that rule the game even more than I can. You want to pickpocket the baron? You want to attack the monster? You want to convince the villagers that you are the legendary hunter they've all heard stories about? Roll the dice. We'll see where the numbers fall and go from there. It might mean flat out failure or great success, but either way the decision isn't always in my hands. And I kind of love that.
While I haven't taken to rolling dice while writing just yet (although I've been tempted) the concept does carry. How difficult will it be to convince these people to help you out? Maybe quite difficult, but if you start offering them bribes or buddying up with their pals, they might just be a little easier to persuade. Thinking about sticky situations more mechanically has made my narrative outcomes come more quickly and with less cursor blinking.
That may sound like leeching all that I-spell-gray-with-an-e poetic whimsy out of the creative process, but in reality what it does is leech all the I'm-over-analyzing-this-because-I-spell-gray-with-an-e out of it, forcing you to get on with the story. If you want to go back and sprinkle unnecessarily flowery metaphors over the bones of the scene later, that's cool, but at least get that rotting corpse on paper.
But then in some ways, GMing is also a billion times more difficult than writing. Primarily because there are a handful of unreliable co-authors at the table who can and will throw everything out of whack the minute they get their grubby little mitts into the story. They're called players, and when you ask them "What do you do?" odds are good they're going to give you some insane out-of-left-field response that forces you to reconsider everything in an instant. They'll say things that make you go, "I'm sorry. You want to do what?"
While this is challenging, it is also fantastic. It improves your improvisation skills (sorry to break the illusion, players, but yes, more often than not I'm just making stuff up trying to keep pace with your antics. I'm looking at you "first we rescue the innocent fawn from the crawling claws so later we can slaughter it and bathe in its blood" crew). Dealing with these unanticipated turns teaches your mind to not only improvise quickly but also to consider multiple paths more readily. Where I might have previously considered two or three options for my characters I now find myself giving them a bevy of options, all at varying degrees of insanity.
But there's the drawback to this whole beautiful beast of RPGs, and it's simply this: distraction.
Between GMing, playing in, and thinking about RPGs, their lovable (or hate-able) characters, and their unique worlds, the amount of time and creative mental space left over for writing can quickly disintegrate to a mere modicum of what it could have been. Particularly when I'm feeling stuck in my writing. It is so much easier to ignore a problem scene in a book when there are other tempting creative outlets looming right at the edges of my vision, ones with other ready minds to rely on for help with road blocks.
It's a problem I haven't solved because, frankly, I'm just enjoying myself too much to worry about it. But one of these days I'll crack down and make sure I'm pumping out a solid word count again. I probably won't be back at the 1000 words a day I was at prior to diving into the world of RPGs, but I want to at least find balance between these two loves, and perhaps even a beautiful synergy.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Dream Update: Week 31
Week 31 of recording every dream I have for 365 days...
August 13:
No recall! But, I get pretty epic dreams the next two days, so it's okay.
August 14:
Our neighbors had to sell their house and we were sort of excited because we hoped someone would move in who would take a little better care of the yard and not have so many kids running around and that the adults would be more social. Their realtor came over and gave us a whole laundry list of things we had to do to help their house sell (clean up sticks and sweep outside and mow lawn etc). We became less enthused about our neighbors moving then.
I dreamed I (as Kirsten Dunst from Bring It On) was doubled somehow. Me #1 was inside with my boyfriend and Me #2 was outside with my friends trying to figure out how to get in with my boyfriend without Me #1 noticing. Me #2 and my friends were sneaking up to house when Me #1 showed up out of nowhere. We fought. Me #2 ran inside into bedroom/dorm room (sort of both at once) where she couldn't figure out which bed was hers because both beds had somewhat male sheets and mess on them (chips and papers and stuff) which didn't make sense. Just then, my boyfriend came into room and started making out with me. The Me #1 entered the room. Our/my poor boyfriend was super confused.
I was then at my high school class reunion. Will was there trying to keep everyone safe from the wild animals that had been invited to the party for some reason. I was hanging out with some guys (not actual guys from my high school class, just some randos). They both had crushes on me apparently. We were hiking and they got into a verbal squabble (one started it and the other one ended up leaving us and going ahead alone despite the danger.) I was so angry at the one I was left with that eventually I went after that guy as well. I almost got eaten by a bear and fell off a cliff, but then I found him and we were both happy.
August 15:
I was in Dr. Light's science course in college but with my high school classmates. I sat by Lauren (a smart choice for a science class!). I arrived at class on Monday and found out we were having a test. I hadn't studied. I panicked. Lauren said, "This is a college level course! You didn't study?!"
While Dr. Light gave announcements, I asked Lauren if I could quick study her notes. She gave them to me but they made no sense. Before the test could begin, alarms went off and we were all evacuated to tons yellow school buses. They were parked out on streets and it was just students on the buses, but danger was near so we started driving, even without adults on board.
Soon we were on the crowded streets of Rome, trying to dodge people because the bus wouldn't stop. Students started disappearing off the bus somehow, one by one. I got off the bus (at a stoplight or something I guess? Even though it couldn't stop...I'm really not sure) and met these girls in the street. We talked for a second and they commented on my accent. The bus drove by then so I ran beside it, catching up and jumping back on board.
It turned into a van then and only seven people were inside. I was telling them how we couldn't keep disappearing like this and how we had to stay together. The back row disappeared then leaving only four of us behind. I grabbed the girl's hand who I was sitting by to make sure neither of us would disappear but then she got this horrified look on her face staring at me. I leaned to the front seat to see my reflection in the rear view mirror. My face was the face of the girl I'd seen in the street (trippy!). Then I disappeared too into a weird sort of passed out haze. (Even more trippy!)
When I woke up, I had no memory. My head was shaved and I was in a hospital gown in a science lab. The scientist led me through the halls to back room. "So, you're our swimmer?" he said. I didn't respond. I think I had forgotten how to speak.
He gave me a swimsuit to change into and I did. At first he tried to show me to a back room to change, but I was so robotic I didn't understand so I just changed in the middle of the room. Then he gave himself a shot in the back of the neck and came up to me with a similar needle (shaped like a seam ripper). He jabbed the needle into the base of my neck between two vertebra. I muffled a cry and slowly sank to the floor in pain. He followed with me, keeping the needle in until the injection was complete. Finally he removed the needle and apologized but said it was "necessary." I just laid down on the floor in pain.
August 16:
I was in a post-apocalyptic world with ramshackle houses and cabins, most without electricity and running water. I had to be careful because other people would steal my stuff if they knew I was there.
I dreamed I went back to work for Sandy and Colleen at Keller Williams. While I worked on writing a thank you note on one of their behalfs, Karen (current coworker) sat beside me and kept telling me what I was doing wrong. Eventually I got frustrated and exploded at her that I'd done this before for over three years and that I was perfectly capable of figuring it out.
My mom, grandma and I were at a pizza restaurant. My grandma liked the music and wanted to buy it but didn't know what it was. Mom was going to make her go ask, but grandma was too shy and got all flustered.
August 17:
I dreamed I was on this farm with tons of cats and birds (song birds, ducks, geese etc). My sister Tawnya was there helping care for the birds. There were also human babies everywhere just sort of...crawling around on their own and hanging out. I found one little girl dressed up as a pig.
I dreamed that Phoebe, Ross (yes, from Friends), and I had a group Halloween costume planned but we realized it was dumb and decided to stay in (it had something to do with rocks? I don't know). I also considered dressing as a vampire and spent a lot of time considering the best way to get realistic-looking fangs.
August 18:
I was chronically, terminally ill. My family and I were being given a special tour of this ancient Middle Eastern museum by some very high ranking government officials. Due to my illness, I got very tired walking around to all the exhibits so I had to drop out of the tour short, even though they'd arranged it for me.
While I went to find a bed, the rest continued their tour. The museum became a plane then, on its way to Egypt. When we had first entered the upper level of the plane earlier, there was a luxurious bed right in front of the door. My family said this was my bed, but I didn't believe them because it had the wrong number beside it. So, I explored on my own some more and found a wide trough of sorts running along both sides of the plane. It was lined with thin blue gym mats and passengers slept on the mats side by side. I had the sense then that this was where we were meant to sleep. I knew I'd be uncomfortable sleeping right next to a stranger (and two deep in some places!) so I asked the flight attendant how much longer it was until we landed thinking maybe I'd just stay awake after all. She informed me that it was two hours until our layover in London. I asked how long the layover was and she just laughed...so that was helpful.
After the plane landed in London, I explored a gift shop in the airport, misread the felt of a shirt (okay...this is what I wrote in my journal, but I honestly have no idea what it means now...sleep brain I guess? It must have made sense at the time?) and almost missed the next leg of the flight to Egypt.
August 19:
Dreamed my friend Anna and I were caring for this autistic kid. He was pretty low-functioning and had a lot of eccentricities. The guy who had been caring for him before was of a drill sergeant military mindset and basically had us all captive once he learned he'd been replaced. We decided to try to escape. We were held at a youth group game night only the whole night was staged because one of the youth had become famous. So a film crew was there and they made fake rain for drama and that sort of stuff. No one was happy. The kid and I ran into the forest but the rain hindered our progress and we were caught again.
Dreamed I was playing D&D with Paul (just Paul apparently). I was rolling really poorly until I rolled an "89" (no clue how I got that off a d20. I was definitely not rolling percentile dice.). I realized too late that there were giants were coming toward us, and I was low on hp. I had two spells left but didn't use them and just had to watch as the giants came closer and closer, coming to squash me. I was sad because I really like Viska (my character) and didn't want her to die.
August 13:
No recall! But, I get pretty epic dreams the next two days, so it's okay.
August 14:
Our neighbors had to sell their house and we were sort of excited because we hoped someone would move in who would take a little better care of the yard and not have so many kids running around and that the adults would be more social. Their realtor came over and gave us a whole laundry list of things we had to do to help their house sell (clean up sticks and sweep outside and mow lawn etc). We became less enthused about our neighbors moving then.
I dreamed I (as Kirsten Dunst from Bring It On) was doubled somehow. Me #1 was inside with my boyfriend and Me #2 was outside with my friends trying to figure out how to get in with my boyfriend without Me #1 noticing. Me #2 and my friends were sneaking up to house when Me #1 showed up out of nowhere. We fought. Me #2 ran inside into bedroom/dorm room (sort of both at once) where she couldn't figure out which bed was hers because both beds had somewhat male sheets and mess on them (chips and papers and stuff) which didn't make sense. Just then, my boyfriend came into room and started making out with me. The Me #1 entered the room. Our/my poor boyfriend was super confused.
I was then at my high school class reunion. Will was there trying to keep everyone safe from the wild animals that had been invited to the party for some reason. I was hanging out with some guys (not actual guys from my high school class, just some randos). They both had crushes on me apparently. We were hiking and they got into a verbal squabble (one started it and the other one ended up leaving us and going ahead alone despite the danger.) I was so angry at the one I was left with that eventually I went after that guy as well. I almost got eaten by a bear and fell off a cliff, but then I found him and we were both happy.
August 15:
I was in Dr. Light's science course in college but with my high school classmates. I sat by Lauren (a smart choice for a science class!). I arrived at class on Monday and found out we were having a test. I hadn't studied. I panicked. Lauren said, "This is a college level course! You didn't study?!"
While Dr. Light gave announcements, I asked Lauren if I could quick study her notes. She gave them to me but they made no sense. Before the test could begin, alarms went off and we were all evacuated to tons yellow school buses. They were parked out on streets and it was just students on the buses, but danger was near so we started driving, even without adults on board.
Soon we were on the crowded streets of Rome, trying to dodge people because the bus wouldn't stop. Students started disappearing off the bus somehow, one by one. I got off the bus (at a stoplight or something I guess? Even though it couldn't stop...I'm really not sure) and met these girls in the street. We talked for a second and they commented on my accent. The bus drove by then so I ran beside it, catching up and jumping back on board.
It turned into a van then and only seven people were inside. I was telling them how we couldn't keep disappearing like this and how we had to stay together. The back row disappeared then leaving only four of us behind. I grabbed the girl's hand who I was sitting by to make sure neither of us would disappear but then she got this horrified look on her face staring at me. I leaned to the front seat to see my reflection in the rear view mirror. My face was the face of the girl I'd seen in the street (trippy!). Then I disappeared too into a weird sort of passed out haze. (Even more trippy!)
When I woke up, I had no memory. My head was shaved and I was in a hospital gown in a science lab. The scientist led me through the halls to back room. "So, you're our swimmer?" he said. I didn't respond. I think I had forgotten how to speak.
He gave me a swimsuit to change into and I did. At first he tried to show me to a back room to change, but I was so robotic I didn't understand so I just changed in the middle of the room. Then he gave himself a shot in the back of the neck and came up to me with a similar needle (shaped like a seam ripper). He jabbed the needle into the base of my neck between two vertebra. I muffled a cry and slowly sank to the floor in pain. He followed with me, keeping the needle in until the injection was complete. Finally he removed the needle and apologized but said it was "necessary." I just laid down on the floor in pain.
August 16:
I was in a post-apocalyptic world with ramshackle houses and cabins, most without electricity and running water. I had to be careful because other people would steal my stuff if they knew I was there.
I dreamed I went back to work for Sandy and Colleen at Keller Williams. While I worked on writing a thank you note on one of their behalfs, Karen (current coworker) sat beside me and kept telling me what I was doing wrong. Eventually I got frustrated and exploded at her that I'd done this before for over three years and that I was perfectly capable of figuring it out.
My mom, grandma and I were at a pizza restaurant. My grandma liked the music and wanted to buy it but didn't know what it was. Mom was going to make her go ask, but grandma was too shy and got all flustered.
August 17:
I dreamed I was on this farm with tons of cats and birds (song birds, ducks, geese etc). My sister Tawnya was there helping care for the birds. There were also human babies everywhere just sort of...crawling around on their own and hanging out. I found one little girl dressed up as a pig.
I dreamed that Phoebe, Ross (yes, from Friends), and I had a group Halloween costume planned but we realized it was dumb and decided to stay in (it had something to do with rocks? I don't know). I also considered dressing as a vampire and spent a lot of time considering the best way to get realistic-looking fangs.
August 18:
I was chronically, terminally ill. My family and I were being given a special tour of this ancient Middle Eastern museum by some very high ranking government officials. Due to my illness, I got very tired walking around to all the exhibits so I had to drop out of the tour short, even though they'd arranged it for me.
While I went to find a bed, the rest continued their tour. The museum became a plane then, on its way to Egypt. When we had first entered the upper level of the plane earlier, there was a luxurious bed right in front of the door. My family said this was my bed, but I didn't believe them because it had the wrong number beside it. So, I explored on my own some more and found a wide trough of sorts running along both sides of the plane. It was lined with thin blue gym mats and passengers slept on the mats side by side. I had the sense then that this was where we were meant to sleep. I knew I'd be uncomfortable sleeping right next to a stranger (and two deep in some places!) so I asked the flight attendant how much longer it was until we landed thinking maybe I'd just stay awake after all. She informed me that it was two hours until our layover in London. I asked how long the layover was and she just laughed...so that was helpful.
After the plane landed in London, I explored a gift shop in the airport, misread the felt of a shirt (okay...this is what I wrote in my journal, but I honestly have no idea what it means now...sleep brain I guess? It must have made sense at the time?) and almost missed the next leg of the flight to Egypt.
August 19:
Dreamed my friend Anna and I were caring for this autistic kid. He was pretty low-functioning and had a lot of eccentricities. The guy who had been caring for him before was of a drill sergeant military mindset and basically had us all captive once he learned he'd been replaced. We decided to try to escape. We were held at a youth group game night only the whole night was staged because one of the youth had become famous. So a film crew was there and they made fake rain for drama and that sort of stuff. No one was happy. The kid and I ran into the forest but the rain hindered our progress and we were caught again.
Dreamed I was playing D&D with Paul (just Paul apparently). I was rolling really poorly until I rolled an "89" (no clue how I got that off a d20. I was definitely not rolling percentile dice.). I realized too late that there were giants were coming toward us, and I was low on hp. I had two spells left but didn't use them and just had to watch as the giants came closer and closer, coming to squash me. I was sad because I really like Viska (my character) and didn't want her to die.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)